Discernment can only be deepened in relationship to darkness and the unknown. If you are unwilling to romance the dark and the unseen, you won’t see truth. If you stay in what you think you know, your awareness becomes stale and stagnant.
I’ve been wanting to write these thoughts about discernment for a while. I think discernment is the skill of these times. So prepare to go for a deeper dive.
In a world that can be highly deceptive and divisive, it’s a practice that allows you to move through life with a clarity that cannot be granted to you by anything or anyone external.
What does it even mean to be discerning? I mean really… beyond valid clichés such as “listen to your intuition” or “honor your gut feeling”…
What does it look like to deepen discernment? What are some of the shadow sides of wanting to be discerning that many seekers get stuck into?
These are some of the themes I’d like to explore with you.
Before we get there, let’s talk about where lack of discernment can stem from.
What might cause you to lack discernment?
Let me cut to the chase here. The reasons why some people might lack discernment are more than just not having a curious/open mind or not being in touch with their intuition. I think these are symptoms of something deeper.
Let me paint you a picture. As a child, you arrive in a world that is strange and complex. You have needs you can’t meet yourself and your environment is filled with rules you don’t understand. You’re naive and easily confused. Does that give you a hint yet?
Because of that, it makes sense to outsource your judgement of the world to external figures of authority that are supposed to have your best interests at heart.
These external figures of authority are: parents, caregivers, spiritual/religious leaders, cultural/societal norms, anyone or anything else that you put above your own personal judgement.
It doesn’t just make sense to outsource your capacity to discern to them... It is necessary. It is the safer choice as a child. It is also how you make sure that most of your survival needs are met.
They are the ones who tell you what is safe, what is sensible, what is acceptable, what will cause you to experience a withdrawal of love or what will cause you to receive approval.
The problem is that many do not evolve out of that stage of outsourcing their discernment. That too makes sense for many reasons.
Discernment is a sovereign practice that demands more spiritual and emotional maturity in order to be reclaimed.
It might feel safer to not reclaim the heavy responsibility of fully owning the perspectives that inform your choices and the direction you give to your life, especially in a world that can seem increasingly complex and divided.
I mean, think about it for a second. Recall some of the most pivotal choices you’ve had to make in your life. Accepting a job, quitting one, moving across country, marrying someone or committing to a long term relationship etc. just to name a few.
Think especially about the choices that no one around you seemed to approve of but that you just couldn’t help but making. Do you have any of those?
These are choices that invite you to solely rely on your perception of the world and your inner knowing, whether accurate or not. Because of that, any outcomes, responsibilities and consequences fall on you.
These are choices that may cause you to experience criticism, judgement or ridicule from people around you.
Here is the point I’m making… Reclaiming your discernment demands not only that you embrace full responsibility for the ways you see the world and for the outcomes and consequences that may come of it… It also demands that you make peace with the possibility of experiencing humiliation, alienation, criticism or persecution from people who see the world differently.
If I were to summarize the reasons why one would have a hard time discerning, at the top of the list we would have:
Unwillingness to take ownership for how you uniquely see the world and to embrace the responsibilities and consequences that may emerge from letting it inform your choices.
Lack of trust in your self. Discernment is a statement of trust in your own perception and judgement. Strengthening your self esteem increases discernment.
Unwillingness to risk being an outcast. This is most likely one of the biggest hindrances. Being discerning causes you to see the unseen. That can be a lone journey.
Truth comes at a cost. The cost of truth is that it demands radical change. It will inevitably invite you to make choices you might not be willing to embrace. It is torturous to the mind that finds safety in staying stagnant. That’s one of the reasons many unconsciously repress their capacity for discernment.
Understanding discernment
The verb to discern comes from the French “discerner” and the Latin “discernere”. The root of the French word “discerner” is “cerner”, which means to surround. To discern (dis/cern or dis/cerner) is therefore to remove what surrounds what you are looking for. And in this case it is truth.
It is about removing falsehood so that you may see truth more clearly.
I could’ve spared you the etymology of the word. It is just so fascinating and informative that I couldn’t resist :).
Here is the key point I’m trying to make…
Discernment can only be deepened in relationship to darkness and the unknown. If you are unwilling to romance the dark and the unseen, you won’t see truth. If you stay in what you think you know, your awareness becomes stale and stagnant.
I like to think of discernment as a sovereign form of curiosity. It is what allows you to make a sovereign choice.
Discernment is about attuning your perception to the eyesight of your higher self.
It is about attuning your human eyesight to the awareness of your soul.
The human guesses and assumes, the soul knows truth.
Discernment is a verb in action. It is the act of intimacy with truth.
The shadow of discernment
Discernment often starts with disillusionment. This is what happens when what you thought was true falls apart.
Disillusionment can be challenging to digest. It awakens us from a childlike naiveté.
Usually one adaptation that we develop in order to protect ourselves form disillusionment is “to paint the word in black”. This means becoming cynical. It can even go beyond that. It can look like seeing darkness and ill intent everywhere, to the degree where you start operating from a place where nothing is worth trusting.
You will often see people refer to it as the “black pill”. It is the other extreme of blind trust and naiveté. One might say that it is mostly rooted in fear.
In other words, it means being willing to believe in demons more than you are willing to believe in angels.
I know I am painting a very dark picture here, but this is the shadow of discernment. It can prevent you from seeing the beauty available in the world.
Finding safety in cynicism is the dark shadow of discernment. It turns your world dark grey. It causes you to find safety in apathy and hopelessness because they shield your heart.
This is a shadow expression of discernment that is present especially during the times we are navigating at the moment. It creates a self fulfilling prophecy in your life where you assume there is no or very little goodness to be trusted, and as a consequence, that is what you continue to experience.
These times require of us that we dare to be discerning without succumbing to its shadow.
So how do you amplify discernment without falling into the pitfalls of its shadow?
How to amplify discernment…
The key understanding is that healthy discernment is about healing your relationship to truth itself. There are many attributes that will help you heal that relationship. This list might not be complete but these are key tenets that come from my personal journey and years of facilitation of shadow integration…
Radical honesty/transparency with yourself. A healthy inner discernment is the foundation of better judgement. It demands that you release all desires to live in denial and to deceive yourself.
Intimacy with your own shadow. Without a healthy degree of intimacy with your own shadow, your capacity to see truth can be distorted. Shadow integration is how you clear your inner vision.
Facing within yourself the fears of humiliation, alienation, loss and persecution. These are core fears that can hinder your capacity to discern, especially when others around you may challenge how you see the world.
Being at peace with being disillusioned. Disillusionment is a common occurrence when you expand. It is how new awareness often enters your mind. It is necessary to remain open to it.
Hold your former identities with detachment. Being discerning will often invite you to change faster. This can be hindered if you are too attached to former identities.
See the deception without closing your heart. This is probably one of the most challenging attributes. It demands that you build trust with your open heart. This is what keeps you from being hijacked by cynicism.
Remain intellectually humble and radically curious. Self righteousness is where discernment goes to die. a spirit of wonder and intellectual humility is the ground where discernment thrives.
I could add more material to this piece of writing, but let’s consider this a foundation to building discernment.
Now I’d like to hear from you…
How do you relate to discernment? What practices help you deepen it?
In gratitude and reverence,
— Xavier
You touched on this already, but I’d like to underline the point that our fears often limit our ability to discern - fear of going against the tide, fear of seeing a truth that hurts, fear of change, etc.
So when I’m doing this work, I often repeat to myself, “I’m safe to see the truth. The truth will not break me. The truth will set me free.”
Thank you for this piece Xavier! It’s a topic that’s so foundational but often overlooked.
This was fire!! Disillusionment. I'm grateful to now have a term for it. Thank you for filling in the gaps and details of a discernment practice.