Don't get your hopes up - Get them wild and outrageous

Dissolving the shadows that prevent you from daring greatly

“Don't get your hopes up!” How many times have you heard that phrase? If you're a dreamer like me, my guess is that you've heard it an innumerable amount of times.

I can see the good intention that people who offer that advice may have. After all who loves getting disappointed? Who loves the sting of disillusionment when you realize that what you hoped for might come undone?

The obvious answer would be no one, or at the very least, not many. I think we have a collective allergy to disappointment and disillusionment. Would you agree?

That's something I constantly see with people I work with. Disappointment scares us so much that we often put a dimmer switch on our desires.

A reclamation of desire

Sometimes the most torturous question I get to ask people is this: "If you removed all the dimmers you placed on your desires right now, what is it that you’d truly want?"

I mean for real, what fires your heart up? What are the silent dreams in your heart? What are things that truly make your blood boil in excitement and anticipation, and your soul light up?

Like truly, what the fuck do you want? What do you hope for? Do you see how vulnerable that is? It's like a confession. And the "sin" has been to silence your heart.

One of the main reasons why I leaned into shadow work

I initially started the practice of shadow integration because I was sick and tired of being afraid of disappointment and the pain that comes when you get disillusioned again and again.

I wanted to expand my emotional range and my tolerance to things not going my way, without allowing it to shut down my heart, without allowing it to make me consider the pseudo safety we often find in hopelessness.

One of my intentions was to increase my emotional buffer, so that my heart had the ability to remain open, even after the many disappointments that often come with the quest of what your heart truly desires.

The outcome of that has been the realization of just how much creative freedom becomes available when you no longer fear your own shadow, and when you can look at the possibility of disappointment in the eye and say: “I am going to hope. I am going to expect a benevolent outcome. And even when the outcome does not seem benevolent, I will assume that it’s only because I am lacking enough information to see the big picture yet.”

Hope has a bad reputation in spiritual circles. Why? Because it is vulnerable. Most people prefer to disconnect from the vulnerability inherent to hope. Hope acknowledges the uncertainty that the future carries and still chooses to root for a benevolent outcome. Hope acknowledges your humanness and how vulnerable it is to expect something beautiful even when we don’t have any guarantees. Hope is the golden seed that might eventually turn into faith and transcend uncertainty.

Hope is not a beggar. Hope is a warrior.

Transcending hopelessness

'Hopelessness', have you noticed? It is the current silent pandemic. A collective shadow that has taken a life of its own. Most people are infected to a certain degree. It's a virus that affects the mind and shuts down your heart.

It makes you believe that you cannot afford any more disappointment. Because of that, you don't even dare to confess to yourself what you truly want. Can you relate?

It must be the outcome of many years of societal disruptions, one feeling more unprecedented than the previous.

I mean, I get it. The last 4 years have been hard. The collective divide has amplified. The future often feels more uncertain than it has ever been. I get that in this situation it may feel safer not to hope for anything at all.

That being said, even though it might feel safer to settle for hopelessness and skepticism, it is also the ground where depression festers.

I guess I am just one of these nut jobs who is sick and tired of being pushed a narrative where we are invited to look at life only through the lens of doom and gloom.

I am not one to turn a blind eye to the collective challenges we go through. I have no pull to do so. But there is something I will no longer do, which is to be afraid to getting my hopes up.

Don’t just get your hopes up… 

These times are for the souls who are brave enough to hope. I choose to not just get my hopes up. I will let them get wild and even outrageous.

I know what it’s like to deal with disappointment and disillusionment. The soul crushing kind. I’ve been through that many times and when I thought it would crush my heart, it sobered it instead. It made me more lucid and discerning.

If you are willing to dream a new world, a new reality for yourself, accepting the possibility of disappointment is the cost of entry.

A few prompts to ponder

Complete the following prompts as spontaneously as you can.

• Deep down what I truly desire is…

• The contraction that emerges in my body as I confess this desire to myself is…

• If that contraction could speak it would say…

• The need beneath that contraction is…

• Fully opening my heart to this desire would look like…

• A small action I can take today to move this desire forward is…

What comes up for you? Please share your thoughts below.

PS: On Sunday Sept 1st, I will host a workshop where we will explore how to dethrone the archetypes that dim your light and mute your voice such as importer, saboteur and even critic. More details on that coming soon.

As always, thank you for reading.

In gratitude and reverence,

— Xavier