Proximity is 'not' belonging

The Divine Outcast, Alienation, and the Homecoming of Self-Belonging

We all crave belonging. It’s wired into our biology.

On the other side of belonging there is another shared fear that makes us all human. The “holy” fear of alienation.

That fear is so ingrained within us that it caused many to confuse proximity with belonging.

I’ll say that in a different way. It caused us to settle for proximity when true intimacy, connection and belonging were scarce or too scary.

We started conflating proximity with belonging when we were just merely tolerated. When we contorted ourselves to match the mood of the room. When we silenced the parts of us that were seen as "too much" or "too weird" or "too emotional."

But here's a truth I hope becomes more than common sense, but embodied:

If you constantly need to alienate an aspect of yourself to belong, that's not true belonging. That’s just proximity. That’s survival dressed as connection.

The fear of alienation is ancient. It lives in the body like a primal memory. To be cast out once meant death. So of course it is encoded within us to abdicate our truest nature for a pseudo sense of safety.

But there is more to it. The fear of alienation itself is a sacred initiation for everyone on the path of embodied liberation. It is a guide in disguise.

The holy invitation buried inside the fear of alienation

There is an archetype that I’ve been writing about more and more lately. I call it the Divine Outcast. It goes beyond being a black sheep.

The Divine Outcast may sometimes appear to be exiled by others. But in truth, they are someone who has chosen to no longer exile themselves.

They Divine Outcast is not defined by being separate from others, but by a radical devotion to their truth, even when experiencing alienation might be the outcome.

The Divine Outcast is deeply intimate with the fear of alienation and will not allow it to shut down their heart.

The Divine Outcast belongs to themselves first. They’ve made peace with walking a unique path, even if it means walking alone for a while.

They don’t weaponize their difference or uniqueness. They sanctify it.

This is the highest purpose of the fear of alienation. It’s not to punish you. It’s to initiate you into self-belonging. Because self-belonging is the soil from which true belonging can finally grow.

When you stop alienating yourself… When you stop abandoning the parts of you that make you inconvenient, intense, creative, emotional, tender, bold… when you reconcile with them all, you become magnetic.

Not because you're trying to fit in, but because you've become a welcoming home to your truest nature.

And in a world of people who are starving for realness, those who are at home in themselves are the medicine the collective needs most. Would you agree?

So the next time the fear of alienation arises, remember that your invitation is to not fight it. Engage it. Let it lead you back to the part of you that’s still waiting for your embrace.

This is some of the sacred work we did yesterday in my free workshop From Hidden to Heard.

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From Hidden to Heard - Access the free replay

(Available for the next 48h)

If any of this is resonating with you, you will love From Hidden to Heard.

In this workshop, you’ll discover:

• Why you’re not actually afraid of being seen—and what you’re truly protecting

• The five primal fears that keep your light repressed

• Why your creativity, truth, and expression feel so tender to share

• A simple, somatic framework to shift from self-protection to self-honoring

• How to create emotional safety to let your essence lead

Click the link below to watch the replay before it expires.

In gratitude and reverence,
— Xavier

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