The emotional addiction your gifts want to liberate you from

Without embracing this we stay in a bad marriage with our light

A few years ago I was working with a mentor. It was around the time when I was in talks with Hay House for a book project that became my first published one Scars of Gold.

I was supposed to send the finalized book proposal to Hay House, but I was procrastinating like I rarely do. Right when I was about to ask for another extension, I scheduled the session with my mentor Robert. I was able to have it scheduled before I needed to send the proposal.

I made the commitment to myself that I wouldn’t ask for the extension before that session. I could feel that something needed to move.

As soon as we started the session, I told him…

“I feel like I am in a bad marriage with this book project. We love each other deeply but we can’t stop fighting…”

We both laughed and then he inquired a bit deeper. And then he prompted me like he usually does.

When I think about submitting this book proposal, I cannot afford to…

Here are the answers that spontaneously poured.

I can’t afford to…

• … look like an idiot and make a fool of myself

• … look like I don’t know what I’m talking about

• … have them believe that they are making a wrong bet by investing in me as an author

• … screw this up

These are just the ones I can remember. We immediately recognized what was going on. I was afraid of getting humiliated or feeling inadequate or not good enough as a writer.

And that is what I needed to meet deeply within myself. Of course this had some roots in childhood too that we worked on untangling.

The emotional addiction beneath

What most people are usually unwilling to see is that our fear of humiliation or of feeling inadequate creates an emotional addiction.

The addiction to praise.

Basically, what I was sharing with Robert during our session was:

I don’t even want to ponder a reality where they don’t like the book proposal that I will send.

In other words I was saying: I want praise or nothing.

This is the place where most people are stuck. They want praise or nothing. So nothing “wins” because praise is not guaranteed.

The reality is that deep down, I knew that guaranteed praise is not how life works. So the procrastination emerged.

Some people would say that the procrastination was a protection mechanism. And sure, that is certainly one way to look at it.

But in my experience, the procrastination was my shadow saying:

“here is where I need you to look so that you can submit that book proposal. Here is what I need you to illuminate so that you can take the writer in you out of the shadow. Here is what I need you to meet with love so that this book can exist in the world.”

And when during the session we practiced integrating the part of me that carried the fear of inadequacy around my writing, I reclaimed the capacity to make peace with all the ways the book proposal may be received by Hay House.

Now the rest is history. The book was published last year. And the process of writing it is one of the most liberating experiences I’ve had so far.

The whole point is:

Sharing your gifts will not let you get away with running from the parts of you that feel inadequate. It demands that you love them.

Sharing your gifts will not let you get away with repressing your fear of humiliation. It demands that you face it fully.

Sharing your gifts will not let you get away with being addicted to praise. Because that is one of the main things that fuel hiding our light.

Creating the capacity to share your gifts

I think most people aren’t sharing their gifts not because they don’t know what these are. But because building the capacity to share them requires that we meet aspects of ourselves that sometimes we wish we did not have to meet again.

Do you agree?

Expressing your light in a way that is uniquely meaningful to you is at the same time one of the most vulnerable experiences, and liberating ones… all at once.

One single breakthrough is usually not enough. It hasn’t been in my experience.

This is why I created The Embodied Light Project (ELP) private community a few years ago.

I designed it as a fellowship to support you in dissolving the hidden forces that prevent you from being the steward that your gifts and your light deserve.

ELP has served hundreds of people over the last 2+ years.

And if you know that you’re going through a season of upgrade in your capacity to unleash your light and sustain it, ELP is where you want to be.

The doors are open now, through May 31st.

And when you join us, you get to participate in our Golden Shadow Unleashed Challenge, that will run in the community from June 5th to 12th.

[JOIN ELP HERE →]

In gratitude and reverence,
- Xavier