The shadow of nervous system regulation

When "regulating" yourself hinders integration

There are instances where attempting to regulate your nervous system can be precisely what stands in the way of deeper integration.

Over the last 10 years, with the increased collective focus on mental health, the phrase “nervous system regulation” has become mainstream. And I think for the ‘most part’, it is for the better. Why for the most part? Because in my experience, there are instances where we can be hijacked by the shadow of nervous system regulation.

Before we go any further, let me disclose that this is not a written piece that will give you more tools on nervous system regulation. This is a refinement. I will be offering thought forms that hopefully support you in meeting yourself more fully.

We are going to explore instances where attempting to regulate your nervous system could be precisely what is hindering your integration, and how you can more skillfully support yourself.

When regulation prevents depth…

Sometimes attempting to regulate your nervous system might prevents you from feeling fully and from meeting with compassion the parts of you that need your own love in order to heal.

I am no car expert, but in order to transmit the point of this share, let’s use a metaphor about cars.

Imagine that your car’s engine has a cooling problem. The engine tends to overheat. After your last visit to the mechanic, you’ve noticed that your radiator has a hard time keeping up with your engine. Since you know a thing or two about cars, you assume that you might need to change the coolant you’re using.

You experiment with different types of coolants just to realize that the problem still remains. One day after a particularly long drive, the engine overheats and you have to stop everything to address the problem.

You bring the car to the mechanic. Within a few minutes, he tells you that the current radiator doesn’t match the power of the engine. Your radiator needs to be upgraded.

In this metaphor, imagine that the radiator and the engine represent two aspects of your psyche that are not well integrated. They are not working in coherence. Adding more coolant to the radiator, or changing the coolant type, is akin to using a nervous system regulation tool to address a deeper issue.

An example could be to take deep breaths or even going for a walk in nature to regulate a deep anger you’ve been experiencing because of an intimate relationship where you are being treated poorly. It could look like attempting to meditate with the intent to disconnect for a profound feeling of sadness.

These tools are great. They often decrease the internal friction we experience. They can help you communicate better in a situation that is challenging. They can help you have more clarity. Yet when they are not used with the proper intent, we might unconsciously use them to bypass our pain. They do not necessarily address our inner fractures.

The shadow of most nervous system regulation tools is that there are some instances where they are unconsciously used to bypass our pain. They can become subtle forms of escapism when the depth of our pain scares us. You can use a deep breath to push a feeling away, or you can use it to embrace it more fully. You can use meditation to escape your inner turmoil, or you can use it to meet more gracefully the inner chaos.

The pressure to keep it together

We live in a culture where we prioritize beyond everything else being functional. And believe me I get it. You have things in your life that you desire to accomplish and it requires that you are able to function. On top of that, add the social pressure to look as if you have it all together, and it creates the perfect recipe to run away from aspects of ourselves that may be chaotic.

I understand the necessity to be regulated and grounded. They are important in our daily lives. It is what allows you to move through life with greater ease.

Yet that pressure to keep it together all the time, can cause us to use our tools for nervous system regulation as instruments of spiritual escapism.

We live in a society where we allow ourselves at times to be over medicated in an attempt to appear “regulated”… And very often it back fires. Our fear of chaos often spills over to our self regulation tools.

Sometimes integration is messy and chaotic. Embracing our pain can be messy. It will often require that you meet the raw nature of your pain. Sometimes it might feel like you are going insane… And it is often within these depths that integration happens.

Nervous system regulation recalibration

You might now be asking yourself: “what do I do with this information?”.

Let me be clear. I am not asking you to throw your nervous system regulation tools out of the window of course. They are necessary.

What is important is the intent they are infused with.

For example, instead of using deep breathing exercises to tame anxiety, use them to connect more gracefully with it. Use them to make more room for the anxiety so that it can be fully witnessed. Use them to land fully in your body so that you may be somatically curious with the anxiety. Use them to invite a deeper level of presence and love to the aspects of you that are trapped in fear or pain.

That shift in intention goes beyond nervous system regulation. It is nervous system recalibration. It is nervous system expansion. It invites more of your fullness. And ultimately, it liberates you.

Here is a bold thought I’d like to leave you with.

Don’t settle for nervous system regulation. Go for nervous system expansion. Your psyche is built to handle the friction that comes with the integration of your fullness.

As always, thank you for reading.

In gratitude and reverence,

— Xavier