Each upgrade in your life will require that you build a new relationship with your craft, your gifts and your mission.
This is something that I have experienced this year on steroids.
I will also share with you something that you truly want to watch about how you engage your soul work. Something that will either nurture your craft or cause it to tank your self-esteem.
I have been going through one of the most important creative reinventions of my career so far.
I have written less this year than I have in any previous year. At first it wasn’t intentional. I just felt like my creative tank was empty and that I needed to take it slow.
I think there is something about publishing a book last year, all the writing and vulnerable exposure that had to happen for it to become a reality, that I needed to recover from.
I still wrote but not necessarily with the intention to share publicly. This year I wrote mostly for me. I wrote less Substack articles even though I love the platform.
At times I have questioned if continuing to write is something that I really wanted to do or something that I just felt like I should do.
The answer was yes, without any hesitation. Writing is a great part of who I am and it must still have room in my life. An important one. So I needed to have a talk with the resistance.
I have a way of relating to my own resistance that has always been very illuminating for me.
Here is one of the biggest learnings that has emerged for me when I sat down with it.
Your craft does not want to be your source of worthiness and significance
When I started engaging the resistance, I realized that being seen as a good and proficient writer had become a source of significance. Way more than I realized.
I realized how much of my identity went into producing writing that is better than what I published prior.
I had been ideating about a second book. And already putting on it the condition that it must do better than Scars of Gold.
But the thing that I noticed the most was that there was a rise of self-criticism because of how little I was writing this year. I realized that I had a hard time loving myself in that space where I wasn’t writing.
So the inner agreements needed to shift. And here is what they became…
→ Agreement #1: I choose to give myself grace especially when I have a hard time writing and creating.
→ Agreement #2: I am worthy of my own love especially when I am not writing and creating.
→ Agreement #3: I choose to love myself even if I never write another book in my life or send another article.
→ Agreement #4: I choose to see myself as significant even if I never produce another meaningful piece of writing.
→ Agreement #5: I choose to re-engage with writing and creating in ways that fuel my aliveness instead of siphoning it.
I think of these agreements as a renewal of vows with writing. Something that is often necessary.
What is the quality of your relationship with your craft?
Think about how many times you have shifted over the last few years... How much your beliefs and your identity have upgraded.
Does that reflect onto your relationship with your craft, your gifts and your work?
I understand how much pride we can receive from engaging our craft with devotion. But has it become your main source of significance?
If you feel only significant when you are showing up and shining your light in the ways you desire, then the moments when you are not will feel unbearable.
What are the new vows/agreements that are needed between your craft and who you are today for you to feel that it honors who you have become?
Please share your thoughts below.
For now, I am just so grateful that I got to write this piece with full heart. Engaging the art, raw! Just the way I like it. And as always, thank you for reading.
In gratitude and reverence,
- Xavier